Bring It On
I've been reflecting about my mothering my kids. I've been a mom for 8 years already (going 9), and with 4 kids, with ages ranging from newborn to 8 (going 9) years old. I tried to be intentional about my parenting. I read parenting blogs, and parenting books, and the science behind the school of thought I decided to follow. On the outside, it seemed that I got this whole stint. I even get praises for the way I'm raising my kids. But on the other hand, most days, I feel like I keep on failing. My parents even call me tiger mom-- it's not a compliment. My mom has seen me how I was during some of my worst days. She says I'm very fierce with my kids, and I'm better off not having my babies. And I wonder, when am I going to get it right? Have I done a lot of damage?
There's just so many things that I have to unlearn, and to unload, from generations of parenting, from my mom, and how she was raised by my grandma, and so on.
How do I stay afloat? I find consolation in the humble act of saying sorry. It is something that I never in my whole life heard from my parents. But my kids hear it from me. I find consolation in homeschooling. The relatively extended time together presents opportunities for strengthening our relationship. And, being subject to my kids, my "holy sandpapers". I find consolation in the way they say "I love you, Mom." And they still would rather have me at home, than I go to work. We also co-sleep.
I guess, as years pass, as they grow older, as we go thru the chapters of this whole parenting stint, I'll always doubt my abilities. The kids entering different developmental stages will present new challenges, so that I couldn't count much on past experiences-- I'll be dealing with the same but different beings! I cannot fully count on the number of kids, and the years of experience under my belt. I can only grow myself, keep on reading, keep on learning, hope for the best, forgive, and ask for Mother Mary's help, and lift everything to God. Because this motherhood thing... is a God-given mission, and only He can make it right.
There's just so many things that I have to unlearn, and to unload, from generations of parenting, from my mom, and how she was raised by my grandma, and so on.
How do I stay afloat? I find consolation in the humble act of saying sorry. It is something that I never in my whole life heard from my parents. But my kids hear it from me. I find consolation in homeschooling. The relatively extended time together presents opportunities for strengthening our relationship. And, being subject to my kids, my "holy sandpapers". I find consolation in the way they say "I love you, Mom." And they still would rather have me at home, than I go to work. We also co-sleep.
I guess, as years pass, as they grow older, as we go thru the chapters of this whole parenting stint, I'll always doubt my abilities. The kids entering different developmental stages will present new challenges, so that I couldn't count much on past experiences-- I'll be dealing with the same but different beings! I cannot fully count on the number of kids, and the years of experience under my belt. I can only grow myself, keep on reading, keep on learning, hope for the best, forgive, and ask for Mother Mary's help, and lift everything to God. Because this motherhood thing... is a God-given mission, and only He can make it right.
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