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Acceptance

I hear my children's laughter downstairs.  They laugh, and have fun with each other whether or not I am with them.  I imagine  the parents who tell me how different it is with an empty nest, how time flies, and how quiet it gets.  I'm years away from an empty nest.  For now I'm thankful at their raucous, although most often than not, I'd be hushing them.  But at this particular moment I am thankful.  I've realized that my kids continue to be themselves in front of me.  It hit me that they accept me despite my crabbiness, like it's no big deal.  While here I am digging me a hole of depression, believing that I've ruined them.  My doubt in my mothering skills, and lack of confidence is probably doing them more harm than all these thoughts that I've worked myself up.  I guess the reason why I can be critical with them is because I'm failing to see the good in me.  Time to cut myself some slack.

Bring It On

I've been reflecting about my mothering my kids.  I've been a mom for 8 years already (going 9), and with 4 kids, with ages ranging from newborn to 8 (going 9) years old.  I tried to be intentional about my parenting.  I read parenting blogs, and parenting books, and the science behind the school of thought I decided to follow. On the outside, it seemed that I got this whole stint. I even get praises for the way I'm raising my kids. But on the other hand, most days, I feel like I keep on failing.  My parents even call me tiger mom-- it's not a compliment.  My mom has seen me how I was during some of my worst days.  She says I'm very fierce with my kids, and I'm better off not having my babies.  And I wonder, when am I going to get it right?  Have I done a lot of damage? There's just so many things that I have to unlearn, and to unload, from generations of parenting, from my mom, and how she was raised by my grandma, and so on. How do I stay afloat?  I fi